A Break Through

Tonight has been a first.

I was coming home with my dad from a long night at youth group, when I started telling my dad about work (at Subway) and then started talking about the future. Then we started talking about how (as an Orthoptist) it'd be hard for me to get a FT job, and probably need 2 PT jobs. However, this conversation (which we've had before) turned a little ugly when the topic got onto minimum wage and how Orthoptists are now paid the same amount as Physios - and dad said that Physios should be paid more because they are smarter.. hence requiring a higher UAI because you needed a certain level of intelligence to get in.

Now this got my blood boiling - not only is that unfair.. the eyes are no easy part of the body to understand, and we learn about all areas of the body and it's relation to the eyes - but the fact that UAI isn't only based on intelligence, but predominantly demand.

So this started a long (and slightly heated debate) - I think I was more hurt by the fact that he was indirectly taking a shot at me and my life choices.. which he's done on more than one occasion.

After a while, we just stopped talking, he asked about the times of my exams and offered me lifts to uni if I wanted them. I said thanks - and we went quiet again.

As we got ever so close to home - I knew I had to swallow my pride and apologise for getting so heated/ displeased.

Especially as we learnt (in a way) in youth group that we do face trials, persecutions (and as I taught my girls that they include small things as well.. not just times when we are having spears thrown at us by evil King Saul's and being plotted against) - were these little arguments and "side-swipes" from my dad something that I had to just take graciously?

I knew that the way I had responded was not loving at all, and definitely not being a good witness to the person who (in a highly disapprovingly tone) asked me yesterday, "it's exam time and you're still going to church?" - and I (ever not-so-graciously) replied, "I don't go to just learn tomorrow.. I teach high school kids!"

And just as we were around the corner from my house - the light turned orange, so we stopped for the lights.

I swallowed my pride and apologised.

I gave a brief explanation of why I got angry and how I don't like it when he speaks about my decisions as though they are always the wrong ones. And we had a nice (albeit very short) father-daughter bonding.

Never have I apologised to my dad before - hence the break through. As a matter of fact - I believe I have only ever apologised to each family member once in my life. And they've all been within the past 6months.
Although.. I may have apologised to Mandy more than I have to the rest of the family - probably twice..

The Yim family are not known to apologise.. We are a prideful family who always think we are right. It's almost seen as an unspoken weakness if you admit that you were wrong. So we don't.. Even if we know that we were wrong.
Being brought up in that type of family where we argue (even yell and scream at each other) to get our own way, chuck a tantrum and what not... we end up going our separate ways, and no one gets what they want by the end. We ignore the other person for the rest of the day, making snide comments and bitch to other family members about the other person for the rest of the day. We go to bed without even an attempt to reconcile and keep living out our lives. In a few days - it's like nothing ever happened and never will that event come up in conversation again.

Doesn't sound particularly healthy does it? Well, I don't think it is. It has made it hard to build a half-decent relationship with anyone in my family.. we are such a "petty and small" family.

I guess this can be a start. Making more of an effort to apologise - even if we know we are right. Or at least - I'll make that start. I am yet to have someone apologise to me for something I was blamed/ yelled at for - even though it may have not been my fault. But I guess that's what we need to expect as Christians.

Also learning to be gracious in my responses - something that is very difficult in a family whose predominant form of communication is yelling at each other, in some way, shape or form.

Learning to "suck it up" and living in a family composed of non-Christians is never easy - and was never meant to be easy. But in a way, other's have more trouble than me. Although my family do not support me in going to church, they don't restrict me either.

Yes, family do know us best... unfortunately my family know the best of the worst in me. They know how I am and they really know how to push those buttons which can set me off. I guess that'll make it even more challenging to be loving. But it's something I'll have to do if I ever want them to have the hope that I have in Jesus.

It's time to actually walk what I talk. Live how I tell my girls to live. Show my family that Jesus makes a difference in my life. It will be hard, but what's the use just witnessing to my friends, when I do such a bad job with my family? I shouldn't be different with my family as I am with my friends. Jesus should be shining all throughout my life, in all areas, at all times. At church, at uni, at work, at clinic, at home.

what is the word study?

yes.. what is the meaning of study? having the hardest time trying to concentrate for periods of more than 5mins. (it has not been a particularly productive 8days)

exam tomorrow. but cant get into it. i have this fear of failing all of my subjects because theres a bunch to know about every subject.. but yet i seem to be numbing that pain.. its working.. but i want to be stressing. just.. im not?

interesting how someone pointed out that studying = student + dying put together. (if u know me.. i have this habit of combining words/ names.. its like.. a favourite past time of mine!)

anyway.. keeping this short..

just found out today that my sister is coming back next week! i would have literally finished my exams and she'd land the next day for a short 5day holiday back in syd with the family. i knew she was thinking about coming back.. but it wasnt meant to be until the end of july-august or even september some time!

so this is something to look forward to! im suddenly longing to see her (never EVER felt this for my sisters ever before.) so i guess its true - distance makes the heart grow fonder.

im actually looking forward to spending time with her - rather than the potential presents that she could bring back! what a life stage i'm in! hah!

also found out last night that my aunt and uncle are seriously thinking about coming to syd in december! im very excited about this because these are the relatives who i live with everytime i go back to HK.. and they take really good care of me.. im also very close with their 2 daughters - even though they are ~10yrs older than me, and i only see them once every 3years. each time i go back, we chat and go shopping like i've never been away.
my uncle has never actually been to australia - so that would be good for him to get out of HK.. when i was talking to him about coming to visit us in syd, he said only when i get married.. he'll come for the wedding. its a tad premature.. but still!
my aunt has been to syd once (maybe twice?), but hasnt been back since i was in yr3 or something.. she'd have fun in chatty - easy walk to the chinese markets.. (not as close as her unit to everything in hk.. but its ALOT better than when i lived in cherrybrook). however - she wont be able to walk to nice parks, or on quiet suburban streets since we're no longer in cherrybrook. but i'll have to take her somewhere green when she's here.

okok! STUDY!

Reflections on the past 4years of my life at uni

Can't believe it.

Uni lectures has officially finished for me.

Where did the 4 years of uni go?

Scary thing is.. I don't think I know enough for them to let me loose into the work force and start prodding people's eyes!

Let me share some memories that have been made over the 4 years. Starting with things I won't miss:

* The confounded assignments and exams. 7 exams for the end of semester exams is just stupid.
* The lecturers who constantly stuffed us around. Whether that be not marking our mid-semester exams and only returning them to us 7wks after the exam... on the last week of uni. Then to rob us all of marks because of her wrong grammar. (When it says "which formula the most appropriate to use... that is asking for ONE.. and not more than that!)
* The fact that Lidcombe has it's own independent weather to the rest of Syndey.. and should have it's own weather forecast! It could be sunny in the city.. and raining in Lidcombe.
* The inadequate air-conditioning. There are certain rooms which you'd be freezing cold, in the middle of summer, and the next room would be warm. Literally.

Things I will miss most about uni (not in any specific order)
* My uni friends. They are an absolute crazy bunch of people - and I love them for it. We all had the same kind of sense of humour and we all got along really well. They were always very willing to help when I was stuck with something.
* Going out and shopping with my group of friends during our 3-4hr uni breaks, at Parra, Bankstown Centro, DFO, Auburn or City (mainly during 1st and 2nd year). Or skipping class to buy a last-minute birthday presents at DFO (especially this year)
* Having random lunch outings in Lidcombe... there aren't many places, but Dooley's became a favourite.
* The fact that in the past 6months, I've gotten to know my uni friends better than I have over my first 3yrs of uni. It took 3.5years solidifying the people in the group.. and how I shall miss them.
* ECU (Evangelical Christian Union). The people there, the bible studies, training and lunch-time Bible talks that they ran. Always challenging is effective in stretching your thinking on different issues. In a way, I missed out.. I never got too into ECU and missed alot of training and >2yrs of bible talks due to classes running overtime.. or my parents wanting me home when training was on.
* Meeting up with a staff worker. 1st and 2nd year was with Sophie, 3rd year (the 1/2 that I was on campus) with Chris and 4th year (again.. the 1/2 that I was on campus) with Nikki. Have really enjoyed meeting with both Chris and Nikki because we're the same type of reflective learners.
* The car trips with Jonno as we travelled to and from uni. In some ways, we have the same humour (quite sarcastic) but we always had fun when we made up scenarios when something happened and continuing the story in a ridiculous manner. Always easy to have a big laugh with Jonno in Lil Hondie. He'd drive to uni 99.95% of the time and I'd drive home 90% of the time.

Feeling rather nostalgic now.. and I haven't officially finished uni yet. Still have a few exams to go and a semester of clinical placement..

Should really be doing work

Have currently rearranged my desk.. and subsequently one of my drawers as well. Laptop is now situated on one of my bed-side tables (much lower than it really should be), requiring me to turn my head 45 degrees to the left. not the best for my neck.. but allows me to have my lappy beside me and heaps more room on my table to be fiddling around with my papers.. as i should be doing an assignment (in which requires writing for this one)

(gotta say.. im loving my wireless keyboard and mighty mouse! 2 less wires to play around with!)

my next form of procrastination shall be finding a decent way to prop up my lappy as high as possible without causing potential topple-age if there is accidental bumpage.. resulting in much undesired breakage!

whilst im still blogging.. might as well inform you that i have FINALLY been given a sheet of paper asking when im available for clinic, with options of where i'd prefer to go (and wish not to.. which is essentially the more important of the 2!)

still getting excited about going to samoa! but have other major stepping stones to pass before this. e.g. this assignment that i should be doing now.. 4 exams that i have to pass if i wish to graduate with everyone else... and finding the money to go!!

so.. getting back to doing this horrible assignment..........